This post has been in the works for awhile, but I’ve been a little nervous to hit publish on it. I love freelancing, and I love my business, but sometimes all the freelancing nightmare stuff just happens in one week and it’s hard to focus on the positive. And no one really writes about that stuff. On all of the freelancing sites, there isn’t any really acknowledgment of the simple fact that sometimes freelancing/running your own business sucks.
A short list of the work terror stuff that has happened this week:
I have written almost 30k words every day since last Tuesday. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this tired in my entire life.
I have some clients who have still not responded to my invoices; I’m this close to changing my payment policy so I never have this fear ever again. And kind of pissed at myself for letting things get to this point in the first place; I’ve been putting off dealing with it because I hate confrontations.
The normal parts of my life (showering, my social life, drinking things other than coffee, exercise) have pretty much disappeared.
I worry that I’ve exhausted my client pool, and that I have no readers. I know intellectually that this probably isn’t true, but it still terrifies me.
I really want to move. I’ve even looked and found cute and reasonable beach houses that I could easily afford if I was making my target amount of money each week. Which I’m not. And for all of my ability to market for other people, I’m pretty much out of ideas to market myself. And I hate admitting that.
Now, please understand, it’s not that I’m ungrateful. I still love my business, and I still love writing. I love that I need to write 30k words a day, even if I’m totally exhausted. But sometimes, it all piles on and you have to get it out.
There’s been a lot written about the internet this week, and how people find solace and support in it. I’m in the same camp. I have met the kindest, funniest, and sweetest people. You guys cheer me on, and support me, and I can’t tell you how much that means most days. I get amazing emails about how I’m on the right track. And I feel like I owe it to those people to also be honest. I’m not superwoman, and today, not being superwoman makes me feel like a complete and utter life failure. And I know I’m not unique in that respect. So, to those of you struggling with business stuff. I get it: I really really do. I hope that it all works out organically and naturally for you guys, as I hope that it works out that way for me by the end of this week.
Now, I’m off to send semi-confrontational emails and write more and attempt to shower like a normal human. Comments, emails, questions-you know where to find me.
Update: Since several of you sent really nice emails asking if things had gotten better today, I thought I’d update and let you know! I worked until about four am. I’m still behind, but feeling a little less panicky. Thanks for the love and support, and please let me know if there’s ever a time when I can return the business/friend support favor. Truly, you guys are great.
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Sounds like a whole bunch of problems have jumped on you at once
Hang on in there. Invoices and marketing are problems that every small business has (from my limited experience) …
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Holly Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Aww, thank you. Even though I know that everyone has these problems, it’s still good to hear other people say that. Thanks for the support, and for reading. I intend to check out your blog today too!
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Hi Holly!
I think there’s a bunch of posts about this scattered around the internet, and most people who run their own business will tell you the myriad of challenges any independent business owner faces – often, all by themselves. It’s much more work than a 9-to-5, oftentimes for less pay. And you don’t get to spend all your time doing what you love; you have to spend a big chunk of time doing stuff like accounting and invoicing and marketing and chasing people and all that stuff that you need to do to stay in business but isn’t why you wanted to start your own business in the first place.
That said, we press on because we want to be in control of our own destiny, to be able to do things our own way, to work on those things we’re passionate about.
You’ve had a huge up week, and it sounds like it’s been followed by a huge down week. I’m so sorry that happened, but over time things will even out and you’ll eventually you’ll see yourself mostly moving upwards.
And we’re all here to reach out and give you a hand if you feel yourself slipping and sliding. You’re good at what you do, but you also know that you have a huge amount of competition out there and need to differentiate yourself and make your mark. It takes time. Slow and steady is much better in the long run than flash-in-the-pan. Keep those pictures of your beach houses on the wall and remember why you’re doing this.
And any time you forget, just give a shout.
Hugs!
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Holly Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Mary, your comments were really wonderful. Especially since I’ve worked with you, and I know how cool and with it and professional you are. Hearing you say I’m good at what I do is a true compliment. I took your advice, and put up the beach house listing up on my wall. My lease is up in June, so at least I have a goal, right?
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Holly,
Hi, just finding you and reading this post – first I’ve seen of your blog. I really admire your honesty. I’ve found for myself that it really helps sometimes just to say it, admit whatever it is that we’re scared or ashamed of, because then somehow it’s much easier to let go of it. I also try to remind myself that I’ve made it through these tough times before, and am very likely to make it through again. You’ve already got one of the best ingredients, a support network of caring friends and colleagues, so you know you’re not alone. Thanks for being so up front, it gives me hope for our world, believe it or not.
Best,
Linda
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Holly Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 2:57 pm
New readers, yay! I love new readers. It’s very nice to meet you. Thanks for the lovely words of encouragement, and I’m so glad you liked the blog. I hope you come back and read some more!
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Sounds like you need a day off! I’m right there with you on the ups and downs of being an ittybiz, and I just know that you’ll manage to pull through. Your dream cottage will still be there in a few months when things have evened out.
One thing I do know, though, is that the market is never really exhausted. For services like ours, there’s always someone who needs you, even if they don’t know it yet. You just have to keep putting yourself out there, and remember to come back here when you need to renew a little and don’t have time for a proper time out.
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Holly Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 2:58 pm
I like what you say about the market. Maybe it’s just a matter of expanding my Right People network, rather than any flaw with me or my business. And I know we talked a bunch about this last night, but I agree, I need a day off. More online muppet movie watching, perhaps?
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Amy Crook Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 3:45 pm
@Holly, Totally, more online muppet movie watching. I vote for Muppet Treasure Island!
Amy Crook´s last blog: More Cartoons & A Winner!
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I am breaking my lurking status to comment. You need hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. And we’re all giving it to you. Sometimes you have a great week, and sometimes you hit rock bottom. Mine was last week, so you’re not alone. As small business owners, it’s very tough to walk the path we do, and sometimes it feels like we trek it alone.
It’s okay not to be superwoman today to the internet world. Or this week. Hang up your super cape for a while. Just be regular Holly. We’re here to catch you.
Laura
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Holly Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 3:02 pm
It’s funny. I approved your comment before coffee, and couldn’t figure out why WP was insisting that I have to approve you! I mean, we talk all the time. And then I realized that email doesn’t mean that you’ve commented before. So yay for delurking! It’s great to see you here. I’m sorry you had an awful week last week! I had no idea. I am taking your advice, along with many other smart people’s, and trying to be me for a day. I’m going out to dinner with friends, and I’m getting my email and other things in order.
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it’s an up and down thing you know? And sometimes these moments of crisis push us to find better systems, set better boundaries and expecations for our clients and I am finding it usually helps to keep breathing. At my most desperate moments I imagine the Verizon commercial wtih “my people” amassing behind me and just focus on the beleif that they are out there… Self- care is good business care!
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Holly Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 3:07 pm
You’re on my “people to email back list” for today, actually. And I think what you say is true. Awful weeks call us to do better, and be smarter. I certainly have a list of things I would do differently after this week! I know I need to get back to the exercise. It really helps my sanity, but some days I just feel like I could be working and I can’t possibly give up that work time. I don’t know, really. It’s an ongoing process, which I’m also trying to recognize.
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I can only imagine how great that shower felt. Ahhh. Showers are amazing things. Not only do they clean our bodies, but it gets us out the physical state we were previously in. There’s something healing about being wet and drippy and hot. All good things. Especially if the water pressure is rockin’.
You’re learning so many things about having your own business right now (and yeah, not all of them feel so good) but you’re already so amazing at the ripe young age that you are. I know it’s sometimes hard to think out into the future, but with the insights and discoveries you’re making now, just imagine how kick ass you’re going to be even just next year! Watch out world…xoxo
Mona´s last blog: When You Haven’t Exercised In 6 Months (Or Done That Thing You Think You Should Have Done)
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always always always always get your money up front. always.
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Chris Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 3:27 pm
@Laine, it’s tough; by asking for money up front you’re turning away people who don’t know you. There needs to be a certain amount of trust in the relationship before people will give you money without seeing results. (Especially in such a consumer-driven society; we expect to see the product before we shell out the cash.)
Which is to say that I agree, but sadly it’s not always that easy.
Chris´s last blog: What’s an Etherjammer?
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Laine Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 6:03 pm
@Chris, I’f I’ve made the decision to work with someone, then giving them some portion of money up front for them to get started is a natural progression of the relationship. If I’m uncomfortable paying someone in advance it’s not likely I’ll get more comfortable as time goes on. Even if it’s just 10% of the fee, with additional percentage due along the way, it gives the client skin in the game, so to speak, and they are more invested in the project and less likely to flake out at the end.
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Running your own biz has it’s moments! I’m trying to make my dog collar biz my full time living. There are days where I feel that I can do no wrong and am on top of the world and then there are they days where I wonder why I ever started in the first place.
Thankfully, I have my husband, Sean to give me support. When he gets home from work, I have my sucky baby pitty party with him. He then tells me that I don’t suck and I get back to work, feeling better.
You know who I am on twitter, DM me if you want to bitch. I understand what you’re going through.
Karen Friesecke´s last blog: Have Dog, Will Travel
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